I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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