those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
