I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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