I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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