I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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