I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
