oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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