3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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