So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
