i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so let's talk penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
