yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
