grandma shit on top of the toilet
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
