yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
