Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
