he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
