Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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