my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
