3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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