last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
