So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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