i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
