I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
