Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
