Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
