before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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