She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
