yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
