Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
