he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
