I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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