We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
