I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize