I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
