Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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