I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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