Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
