Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize