I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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