He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
