i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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