I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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