her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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