Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
