Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this just has baby written all over it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
