The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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