im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
