I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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