North Korea, Best Korea!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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