I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
