I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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