nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
