It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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