real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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