Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
