OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
