Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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