i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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