glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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