your parents love me but you hate me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In other news, I just burned my penis
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
