is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize