seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
