If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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